Fire Nick Douglas

My work is done here.

Wed, 16 Jul 2008 17:42:04 -0400

My work is done here.

"I just fired this assclown"

Fri, 23 May 2008 10:46:37 -0400

From the mailbag:

I just fired this assclown; how can it be that he has already procured another job so quickly?

"His avatar makes him look so much hotter"

Fri, 23 May 2008 10:43:26 -0400

From the Mailbag:

Hey,

I think the reason I hate him most is because his avatar makes him look so much hotter than when you see the rest of his head.

that is all.

"Send him back to Valleywag, they need him more"

Wed, 21 May 2008 16:21:00 -0400

From the mailbag:

Hi,

I’m Valleywag’s current Mascot Chadrick Baker. Of course this gives everything I say lots of weight. Yes, everything. Please fire Nick Douglas. He is all over Gawker, spreading more of his Nickness which includes everything from… um… what does he do again? Seriously, It’s time that he is fired for this. Enough is enough. Send him back to Valleywag, they need him more. Even thought they may not admit it, I think he may be loved there. They are all about the love.
If you don’t fire him, I won’t love you.

Love,

Chadrick

"He also raped my mother"

Wed, 21 May 2008 12:11:42 -0400

From the mailbag:

You have not been the first person to be wronged by Nick Douglas! At a party a few years ago Nick took that last beer without even politely asking something like, “There’s only one left, do you guys mind?” Weeks later I had bought a large chocolate chip cookie which I offered to share with Nick. He broke off a rather large piece (much more than half!) and chomped away. He also raped my mother, as if to say, “Nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah.”

Keep fighting the good fight

"He won't stop posting Valleywag shit that Gawker readers could care less about"

Mon, 19 May 2008 12:05:14 -0400

From the mailbag:

I caught a link to this from Young Manhattanite’s Tumblr and almost dropped to my knees and thanked the heavens. You know that feeling of affirmation that you get when you feel like you’ve been wandering all alone in the darkness and then all of a sudden you bump into someone and it feels like salvation? “Yes, there is someone else out there that feels the same way!” That’s how it felt to find this site. Look, I don’t know the guy at all but he just annoys the crap out of me. He won’t stop posting Valleywag shit that Gawker readers could care less about. Who gives a rat’s behind about memes and links to the Twitter’s of his nerd friends. I wonder at times what sort of incriminating photos he must have on Denton for his to keep a job!

Where to begin?

Fri, 16 May 2008 18:03:00 -0400

This is an online petition inspired by the overwhelming desire of one human being to never be subjected to a Nick Douglas byline on any Gawker Media site ever again. He’s their Greg Gutfeld, which is why he’s only allowed to crawl out of his hole at two in the morning most of the time.

Please submit your own gripes for publication to firenickdouglas@gmail.com. Your anonymity is assured.